When Did This Get So Hard?
by aisu tenshi 831
Summary: It was never this hard when she was asking Sasuke out everyday. Sakura x Neji


Disclaimer: The song "Nights in White Satin" is owned by the Moody Blues.

I do not own Naruto either

**When Did This Get So Hard?**

Nights in white satin, never reaching the end,

The bar was crowded and smelt heavily of smoke and alcohol, but to expect otherwise would be foolish. I held the small glass in my hand and swirled the clear liquid around aimlessly as I stared down at the little whirlpool that was created.

I was miserable, dejected.

Bringing the glass to my lips I took the shot and placed it back on the counter.

Just barely able to stifle a groan I began to wearily rub my eyes with the heels of my hands.

It hadn't been this hard when I was asking Sasuke out almost every day. Why was it that now I can't even form a coherent sentence when he is around? Why am I such a spaz?!

I reached over and grabbed the pitcher of sake that I had bought myself and poured myself another shot.

Like right now, he is sitting on the other side of the room with his former gennin team, and I can't even get the nerve to go over there and say 'hi'.

Letters I've written, never meaning to send.

Hell, he was just Hyuuga Neji, the prodigy of the Hyuuga clan, an anbu captain when he was 18, and one of the best shinobi in the history of our village. Not to mention he was really hot. Being a medic nin did have its advantages; like being privy to being able to see him without most of his clothes on.

I picked up the glass and swallowed the liquid quickly.

The last time he had gotten wounded, he had needed to take off his pants and I nearly fainted at the sight of him in just his boxers. What made it all the worse was the fact that he noticed that I was horribly flushed. I had tried to laugh it off later on, but the damage had been done.

If Neji was anything, he was amazing when it came to reading people and their emotions. Funny, since he wasn't very good at showing his own.

Why can't I just get up and saw 'hi' to them. Lee and Tenten were good friends of mine after all, this should be easy.

I began to pour myself more. Maybe I will get the courage after a couple more drinks.

Beauty I'd always missed, with these eyes before,

"Hey Sakura," Tenten said with a smile standing next to me.

"Hey Tenten," I smiled back, glad that one of them had made the first move.

"How is it going?" she asked sitting in the stool next to me, "I haven't seen you around lately."

"Things are good," I told her, "Just keeping busy at the hospital. What about you?"

"Busy on missions and all," she sighed, "I am finally getting some time off this week."

"Good, you don't want to overwork," I nodded and took my shot.

"Why are you over here by yourself?" she asked, "Where are those two knucklehead teammates of yours?"

"Naruto is on a mission right now and Sai is god only knows where," I told her.

"Why don't you come and join Lee, Neji and I?" she suggested.

I paused for a couple seconds so it looked like I was pondering the suggestion. I glanced over in time to catch Neji's gaze. My cheeks almost immediately went pink. I want to go, but I am still too embarrassed. "Well," I began.

She got up and grabbed my pitcher, "I am deciding for you. Let's go," she said.

Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore.

"Besides," Tenten said as I got up, "Neji was the one who suggested it. And you know how unhappy he gets when he doesn't get his way."

Neji wanted me to join them?! I felt my heart beat faster in my chest. If he wanted me to join them it must mean that he doesn't think that I am such a loser after all. "Heaven forbid we upset the Hyuuga," I said casually as we began to walk over.

"Hey Sakura-san!" Lee greeted me excitedly.

"Hello Lee-san," I returned with a warm smile.

'cause I love you, yes I love you, oh how I love you.

I looked over at him and for a second I forgot how to breathe. What is air again? "Hello Hyuuga-san," I said politely.

He just nodded his head slightly.

Tenten sat down next to Lee, leaving me to sit in between her and Neji. I slowly slid into the chair. I could feel my heart beating so fast that I thought it was going to explode. It was suddenly really hot in here and my skin was getting clammy.

God he was going to notice that I am really nervous.

"How have you been Sakura-san?" Lee asked.

"Good," I answered quickly.

My answer just hung in the air for a second.

"How have you been Lee-san?" I asked quickly.

"Good, I have been doing a lot of missions lately, but I am finally getting some time off," he answered.

"That's good," I said quickly. I just wanted to smack my overly large forehead. I noticed Neji giving me a weird look out of the corner of my eyes. Oh god, he does think I am a loser!

I quickly reached for my pitcher of sake and began to pour myself a shot. Holding the glass half way between my lips and the table I took a few quick breaths to try to calm myself down.

Tenten turned to Lee and the two of them began to talk to each other.

Gazing at people, some hand in hand

I took the shot and watched the two of them together. Everyone had thought between the two, Tenten would more likely end up with Neji than Lee. I smiled slightly at them. They have been together for the last two years (making them 22 and me 21) and they were one of the cutest couples that I have ever seen.

God, why can't I be like that with Neji?! Did I seriously screw up in a past life or something? Why else would my love life be such a train wreck? Well it was a train wreck whenever I was actually in a relationship. I had tried with Shikamaru and Shino and there was a guy from Suna for a while. They all ended in the 'let's just be friends'.

Just what I'm going through, they can't understand.

Tenten glanced over at me and gave her head a slight nudge in Neji's direction.

I just wanted to roll my eyes. She had no idea what I am going through. It is not that easy to just talk to Neji. I have been trying for a year now.

She gave me an annoyed look and turned back to Lee.

I want to talk to him, but I can't put a single sentence together.

The two of us continued to drink our drinks in silence.

I put my hands in my lap and rubbed my thighs, trying to say something. Maybe I should just leave, I am just looking more and more retarded in front of him.

Some try to tell me, thoughts they cannot defend,

Tenten leaned over and whispered in my ear, "What the hell are you doing?"

"What?" I whispered back to her.

"Talk to him," she whispered sternly, "I know you like him. Go for it."

"I just can't," I told her.

"Don't be stupid," she said, "Just ask him about his latest mission or how he has been doing or something."

I looked over at Neji again, as Tenten went back to Lee again.

Just what you want to be, you will be in the end.

It was now or never. Here I go.

"Home," I said shortly.

"Pardon?" he asked shortly.

I just wanted to cry. Why am I such a moron? "I need to get heading home," I said standing up.

Tenten glared at me.

"So soon Sakura-san?" Lee asked sadly.

"I have to work tomorrow," I said.

"Good night then," Lee said.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Tenten threatened.

"Good night," Neji said.

"Night everyone," I said with a strained smile and high tailed it out of there.

And I love you, yes I love you

I lied in bed staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Home," I repeated for the tenth time. Of all the dumb things to blurt out. Tears of frustration began to roll down my cheeks. I whipped them away angrily.

"Why can't I do this?!" I demanded to know.

How was Neji any different from Sasuke?!

Actually the list of differences was quite extensive, but there still were some similarities.

Maybe I just really didn't love Sasuke? Maybe what I thought was love, was really just a little crush or obsession?

Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.

I got up, throwing the covers off me and went over to my dresser. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and stared at the wall. If I couldn't say anything to him, then I would write it out. I would just put in his anbu locker tomorrow.

I began to write out my thoughts and feelings on the paper.

It took an hour and three sheets to write it all out, but I was quite pleased with myself as I reread the results over to myself.

All that was left to do was sign my name.

My pen touched the paper and paused there. I couldn't let him know it was really me. What would he think? What if he saw my name and threw it away without even reading it? Or even worse, what if he showed it off to all the guys and laugh with them over how retarded I was?

I quickly signed, 'Your Secret Admirer'. Ok, so it was really juvenile, but I didn't want him to know it was me.

I folded it up and crawled back to bed.

Nights in white satin, never reaching the end,

The next morning I stood in front of his locker staring at it, I had the letter in my left hand and a file that I needed to look over in the other.

All I needed to do was slip it in his locker and this burden that I have been carrying on my chest would be relieved. Perhaps I could breath easier after he had read what my thoughts and feelings were.

I looked at the envelope.

I began to panic; he would recognize my handwriting since he had seen it so often. My heart beat faster.

Just shove it in there and run away. Don't think, just do.

Letters I've written, never meaning to send.

I couldn't do it.

I quickly spun around to head out.

Leaning a couple lockers down, arms across his chest, watching me intently was Neji.

For the love of god! I must have really pissed off god some how. I quickly put the note in the folder.

"Can I help you?" he asked shortly.

"No," I answered quickly. God I was starting to sweat.

"You have been staring at my locker for five minutes now," he pointed out.

I just want to crawl in a hole and die right now.

"What were you holding a second ago?" he asked straightening up and dropping his arms to his sides.

God he was about a head taller than me now.

"Check-up," I lied quickly. He raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to elaborate. "Tsunade-shishou wants all the anbu teams to come in soon and get a check-up in two weeks. I was just going to pass the news along to you."

I mentally gave myself a pat on the back. I hadn't spoke that many words to him together since…well ever.

"So you were just going to leave me a note in my locker?" he asked skeptically.

Ok, time to make a retreat.

"I gotta go and look over this file," I said quickly, "See you later."

I walked briskly out of the locker room. Once the door was closed, I clutched the folder to my chest and ran as fast as I could to my office.

Beauty I'd always missed, with these eyes before,

I ran into my office and slammed the door shut. Leaning against the wood I began to catch my breath. Well, if he didn't think I was retarded, he sure as hell did now. It took me a minute to catch my breath.

With a sigh I moved over and sat down at my desk.

On top was a folder marked 'Hyuuga Neji'. I hadn't lied about the check-ups, they were coming up soon.

I put the one I had been carrying off to the side and flipped open Neji's. I began to skim over all the information. There was a picture of him attached to the front page. I stared down at it for a while. I felt my chest tighten as I stared at the picture.

I became annoyed at my cowardice and slammed the folder shut harshly.

I was tempted to shove everything off of my desk in my frustration.

Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore.

Groaning I put my head on the desk. I banged it lightly, annoyed over how stupid I had acted. Maybe I should just give up on Neji; it is obviously never going to happen.

What about Kiba? He is hot, and I hear a lot of stories about him and his 'skills' all the time in the baths. Though, then again, he really doesn't date, he is like Genma and is big into one-night stands.

"Are you done?" a male voice asked shortly.

'Cause I love you, yes I love you,

My head quickly shot up and there was Neji, leaning against the door. When the hell did he even come in?!

"What do you mean?" I asked trying to play it cool.

"What did you want to tell me?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Obviously you lied about the note being about the check-ups," he said, "They posted that info on the break room billboard a week ago."

Oh crap.

"What was that note really?" he asked.

"I was nothing," I said quickly.

"You know I can tell when people lie to me," he pointed out.

"Yes I am aware of that," I said quickly.

"Then why do you insist on doing it now?" he asked.

I opened my mouth to say something intelligent and witty. But like always when he was around, nothing came to mind.

Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.

There was a heavy silence that fell upon the office. What the hell am I supposed to say? What do I do? I began to panic again. My eyes began scanning the room for some way out of this conversation.

Air, I need air.

"Hyuuga-san," I began quickly.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I…" I don't know what to say.

He waited patiently for me to say something.

Oh god what am I going to say?!

"Would you like me to make this easier on you?" he asked.

"What?" I asked confused.

'cause I love you, yes I love you,

He moved away from the door and stopped right next to my right side. I turned my chair so that I was facing him.

What the hell is he doing?

He bent down and his lips brushed against mine for a brief moment.

I thought my heart was going to explode.

Pulling back about an inch he looked into my eyes. I felt myself getting lost in his eyes.

"I will pick you up at seven tonight," he said, "Wear something formal," he said moving away.

I just sat there gaping at his back and he opened the door.

He paused and looked at me over his shoulder. "I will see you tonight then," he smirked.

I just nodded.

Once the door was closed I punched the air, "Yes!" I cried loud enough for probably the entire village to hear.

Oh how I love you, oh how I love you.

3/13/07


End file.
